The last couple days, certain people in my inner circle of friends and even complete strangers surprised me. Those who I know only have a few dollars have contributed to help at this tough time for the GoFundMe campaign I’ve been encouraged to begin (see below for link). I’ve spent the whole winter stressing and sick trying to figure out life, and for a long time (years), things were okay. Everyday, I look at the strength in my daughters eyes and that keeps/kept me motivated. She isn’t ever worried about what’s popular in school and nor is she worried about her looks which is why her hair has remained pink since last July. For her, it hasn’t been a priority to change it or cut it. She is not vain in the least and her beauty shines through. No matter, she is a beauty anyway but just once I would love for us to have a breakthrough for all the hard work I’ve put in and to say to her: here honey, go and get your hair cut or dyed…..(something along those lines). But still, she doesn’t complain….On May 23rd, she will be 16 and she hasn’t asked for anything for her birthday either. This also means since she was 10 she has been my little fighter right alongside with me believing in me, Starlight Music Chronicles, and the Podcast, a venture I had set out to try to begin getting myself a name established for the purpose of showcasing my work. My daughter is the last person I want to let down. I have to keep going and I refuse to let a hiccup take the one thing away that has been my solace and joy through some tough ‘in-between’ times while weeking employment. These are tough times in our society today. Believe me, this will be part of my book series….
Today’s post isn’t about anything other than the reality of life in the entertainment industry. If one chooses this path, you have to really buck down and decide if this is it, you have to give it your all. My brand has become a household name in many countries now and I am very proud of that fact. But, pride sometimes can be a persons downfall too. I have kept quiet and have made silent sacrifices that no one will ever know about except me all for the sake of making a name for myself all for the sake of helping others. My heart hurts when I see other’s in pain, upset, worried, or without. I naturally gravitate to these causes because I know what its like to experience them. At Christmas, when I was helping another family through their grieving, I was trying to make sure that I could hang on to the heat and electricity in my home so that I could ‘put out another show’ to support this family. People don’t know how much it really affects me to see injustice and pain others are going through. I bite my tongue a lot but use my platforms as a space to speak about these things and to campaign for others.
I know there are others who are going through worse. and anyone who knows me knows that I campaign for as many of those people that I can, and with a voice of care, concern, and reason, I will continue to campaign for others who need help, true help, but I can’t ignore that my own home and child’s needs must be considered first. Many people in our industry have told me I shouldn’t say anything, but to me, this is probably because it would make them uncomfortable to read or know these things that really happen behind the scenes for an aspiring single parent wanting a successful career. But these are the realities and the honest struggles. I had to turn down many causes for pets and people that I wish I even had $5 at the time to donate to, but I just couldn’t in the last few months. So, to those who have had pet or other campaigns going, I at least made sure to share your campaigns even if I couldn’t contribute, I am sorry. I was asked to attend a VIP event in LA in April with my idols Olivia Hussey and Leonard Whiting and I had to turn that down too. I simply could not afford it. But I know I would have done my best to make great coverage of this event! I always give 100% of myself and that is one thing I can say with absolute confidence.
My daughter is not spoiled. She is a gentle, peaceful girl, just happy to be alive, and is loved well by her mom and siblings (all adults out doing their own thing). She knows I am out here trying every day to make it work and all three of my kids have endured the macaroni meals and water to see this dream come to fruition albeit me doing it for free while (at the time) working a full-time job as well. None of my kids have ever expected big gifts at Christmas or that this process should just land in my lap. They have been gracious, patient, respectful and kind to everyone in my circle and especially to me. To many of you all in this industry, it may be the same old struggle, but to me, what I am doing is everything to me and my family because they believe in me and we have sacrificed a lot together. I have been doing it for 6 (almost 7 now) years on my own dime – bringing my favorite independent artists exposure via my platforms and for some, it has brought massive traction and further paid projects for them. Never once have I complained or asked for money from it either. I celebrate and enjoy seeing others successes. That is truly what makes my heart happy. But when my daughters biggest worry is having enough change for the bus to get to school for her beloved dance and theatre classes and I simply don’t always have it it makes me sad that after all this time, why should her dream suffer too? Up until now, my little warrior and I have gotten through. We are a team and she believes in me. But things have gotten tough the last couple months and the worries have come back for me in a big way. Her other parent will not pay proper child support (despite the fact that he knows full well that I am seeking work) for her than what he has to (and one year even paid nothing) so I’ve taken it all into my own hands and carried on. I’m taking a course to try and help with everything because I know I am good at social media management and promotion as well as PR but this is to inevitably help to make my radio show flourish later on. Why? Because that’s what I LOVE and I know I am good at. This is how I can further support my own child and give her back the time she devoted to me through enjoying and pursuing her own dream. I feel that my endurance in this field has also taught her to not listen to the naysayers and to believe in herself. She isn’t afraid to roll up her sleeves. In fact, all three of my kids are the hardest working, most selfless human beings I have been privileged to know. They all aren’t afraid of a little hard work and it is my experience which has instilled in them the willingness to fight for their own dreams. They tell me all the time how much they believe in me which is why I keep going.
I am also trying to simultaneously write my own book too because I know it will help many others like me cope knowing they are not alone. I WANT to help! I’ve had so many people flock to my podcast episodes when I am able to do them and they tell me they love what I am doing. And I do too, I just can’t keep doing it without the backing I have always had which is work and an income of my own. Where I am, this is not abundant and it seems to ‘intimidate’ many in this industry with the knowledge and skill-set I have…my ultimate goal is to get a show on a radio or network (in the USA if possible) but that’s something I am taking in strides. I’ve never ‘expected’ like most people, I’ve always worked very hard, tirelessly, and patiently to get where I am and I continue to do so resourcefully by proving that I have something to offer to the world through exceptional journalism pieces whether written or on my radio show. I also believe that if I am financially successful I can help others and pay it forward. Especially my own daughter for all she’s sacrificed. Those who are closest to me know this is my true personality and I am seeing today, that those who have been following and supporting me closest have donated to the GoFundMe and although some choose to remain anonymous, the bottom line is, they believe in me and that means the absolute world to me and my family because with their last few bucks, they have contributed. I am eternally grateful.
Thank you, you all know who you are! You are loved and appreciated! I will continue to fight, and I will not let you down. Thank you for believing in me!