Musings

Photograph

‘So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone’

-Ed Sheeran

I am actually playing the song ‘Photograph‘ at this very moment and as I am listening, I see images of the smiling faces that have been with me throughout my lifetime and I can’t help but think about their importance in my journey as a writer, friend, love, and family member. Every day, I receive lovely messages and I always aim to try to respond to them all, you just never know what someone else is going through. This week, leading up to April 21st, I have done a lot of reflecting and although some of it was sad, I felt there was importance in separating from the ‘media world’ to remember some pretty amazing people in my life. Today, it was even more intense for me and rather than just keeping these thoughts to myself, I went a step further – reaching out to my family and loved ones. I sent messages, voice clips, tested, and posted on social media walls. I wanted to be sure that the people I was reaching out to knew that I was thinking of them. I don’t get to do this often, and I felt the importance of this far outweighed the other million tasks I had originally planned for today.

My extended family had some huge losses in 2017. At the start of the year, my Grandmother, my only remaining grandparent, passed away and it just kept going like that the remainder of the year. I was happy to have been able to spend one of my Grandma’s last days with her though and that is a memory I will never forget. Then in April, we had another huge loss, my Uncle. By summer, three friends (my age!) that I went to school and college with passed away too. In December, there was another huge loss in our family, this time, a complete shock (are we ever really prepared?). Listen, I am not writing this to make any of my readers sad, I am writing this to stress the importance of truly being present in the lives of the people who surround you or who have supported you since birth by contacting and connecting with them. Make this a mission and make it happen as often as you can. Don’t mark it in your calendar or phone daytimer. Just do it. 

This past week, I have reflected a lot. I spent time watching the little lake behind my house (finally) melt, and the Canadian geese return to their ‘home’. I ran through ice cold water to capture some imagery of my favorite places in nature, and I watched my youngest climb one of the tallest trees in our neighborhood on one of our walks. I watched as clear water trickled across the rocks on one of my favorite running paths and saw a tiny green bud making its way toward the sunlight beside it. A butterfly even followed me along my path today too. These are things I don’t get to do very often and this week, I felt it was very important to make time for it because doing things like this restores balance and serenity for me. Nature and it’s continuous cycle of life, reminds me to go back to the beginning, my roots, and therein begin the thoughts of friends and family. I often go and check up on family and friends on social media to see what’s happening in their worlds, but nothing can compare to picking up the phone or sending a text to say, ‘I love you, and I am thinking about you’ and hearing their voice or seeing that message come back.

This past week, I was having a chat with my one of my best friends and I reminded him of how we met and some of the conversations we had. He was confused at first, as I expected, but later, I explained to him the importance of looking back and reflecting and it prompted me to continue reflecting into the remainder of the week too. All too often, we are told, ‘live in the present’, and while this is true, reflecting on the past, to me, is equally as important. Sometimes we have frustrating days and we forget these things when we lash out at the ones we love. We sometimes mindlessly plough through our days too, wishing for the hours to pass quickly so we can ‘get to the end’. The end of what? The day? The week? What’s the hurry? Why are we sometimes always so anxious to ‘get there’? 

After all this reflection, here’s my thoughts and advice to you, dear reader:

Enjoy the process of your life. Don’t be in such a hurry all the time. Stop and reflect often. Remember the beautiful moments and yes, even the painful ones too. These moments made you. They shaped you. They are the memories that will bring balance to your life if you simply allow them to come up once in a while to remind you of your purpose however painful some of them may be. Hold tight to that moment, then let it go, smile, and be grateful that it happened and heed my words:

‘Going back makes you go forward.’ x

-Candice Anne Marshall  

___________

 Happy Birthday in Heaven Erica. Thanks for the visit. x

(April 21st, 1969 – December 22nd, 2017)

April 19th, 2018 above my lake.

___________

Photograph

Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes
But it’s the only thing that I know
When it gets hard, you know it can get hard sometimes
It is the only thing makes us feel alive
We keep this love in a photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts are never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone, wait for me to come home
Loving can heal, loving can mend your soul
And it’s the only thing that I know, know
I swear it will get easier
Remember that with every piece of you
Hm, and it’s the only thing we take with us when we die
Hm, we keep this love in this photograph
We made these memories for ourselves
Where our eyes are never closing
Hearts were never broken
And time’s forever frozen still
So you can keep me
Inside the pocket of your ripped jeans
Holding me closer ’til our eyes meet
You won’t ever be alone
And if you hurt me
That’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Wait for me to come home
Oh, you can fit me
Inside the necklace you got when you were sixteen
Next to your heartbeat where I should be
Keep it deep within your soul
And if you hurt me
Well, that’s okay baby, only words bleed
Inside these pages you just hold me
And I won’t ever let you go
When I’m away, I will remember how you kissed me
Under the lamppost back on Sixth street
Hearing you whisper through the phone
“Wait for me to come home”
 
Songwriters: Ed Sheeran / Johnny Mcdaid
 

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